Of what has run through my head lately. Of how I love every inch of his soul, from gnarled feet to hazel eyes, and have done so since we met all those months ago..In the dirty alley of all places.
And of how I’ve struggled to make sense of this nonsensed relationship. Looking back at journal entry upon entry through those many months, and how I struggled, and wished it was easier. Of how I blamed and waited and worked and whined.
The queen of double standards, I am. I blamed him for staying so far away. I ran to Hawaii. I wanted space. I came home. I struggled to trust him. I kissed a German boy at the top of a German club after too much dancing and too many vodka drinks and I don’t like vodka.
I don’t know what to do and where to go. I want more, I crave more, and I still crave him. I’m not fair. I don’t want to hurt those pretty hazel eyes..
Some people are fated in certain directions. Be it to help and to heal, to make millions, or to live in the country and eat a lot of peaches and try to find Jesus.
I continue to find that my direction is any direction… as long as the continuum of that direction continues to change. East to West, North to South, any way but backwards. How can I expect anyone to fit.