LoRen?

Fuck it, I'm inadequate. What can you do?
aseaofquotes:

Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility

aseaofquotes:

Peter Shaffer, Equus

Isabel asked me if I was missing Tedd yet, and the question immediately brought those tears to my eyes and that lump to my throat. Those tears I felt brimming when my mom called to ask me if I was okay, the lump I felt when Ali asked if I was feeling okay after everyone left.Of course I miss him already. I missed him when he got out of my car each morning over these past two years, to walk in to his work. I missed him those times I went home for the weekend, only to find myself rushing back a day early. I missed him when he went to Brazil for two weeks and I found myself alone on New Years Eve. I always miss him. But this is different. Its the internal tearing of heart strings, the first time I’ve ever felt a part of me leave my life. A part of my heart that packed itself up and moved away from my body. I feel helpless, hopeless, and alone. And it’s a kind of hurt I’ve never felt before.

aseaofquotes:

Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility

aseaofquotes:

Peter Shaffer, Equus

Isabel asked me if I was missing Tedd yet, and the question immediately brought those tears to my eyes and that lump to my throat. Those tears I felt brimming when my mom called to ask me if I was okay, the lump I felt when Ali asked if I was feeling okay after everyone left.

Of course I miss him already. I missed him when he got out of my car each morning over these past two years, to walk in to his work. I missed him those times I went home for the weekend, only to find myself rushing back a day early. I missed him when he went to Brazil for two weeks and I found myself alone on New Years Eve. I always miss him. But this is different. Its the internal tearing of heart strings, the first time I’ve ever felt a part of me leave my life. A part of my heart that packed itself up and moved away from my body. I feel helpless, hopeless, and alone. And it’s a kind of hurt I’ve never felt before.

aseaofquotes:

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Girl from the Sea

As she called it: The Queen of Double Standards.
And so it goes. I wished for commitment. For the undying, lawless, limitless, now and forever sort of commitment.
It was presented in the form of Boston. Of a future. I was factored in to the Big Picture of: this is what my life could be, and would you like to join? 
I couldn’t say anything. I just looked at the wall and blamed him silently for our differences and for his future success and my future uncertainty. I blamed him for the undeniable excitement in his voice about a life that I wouldn’t fit into. And he asked me to try. And I blame him for wanting me to Fit.

aseaofquotes:

Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Girl from the Sea

As she called it: The Queen of Double Standards.

And so it goes. I wished for commitment. For the undying, lawless, limitless, now and forever sort of commitment.

It was presented in the form of Boston. Of a future. I was factored in to the Big Picture of: this is what my life could be, and would you like to join? 

I couldn’t say anything. I just looked at the wall and blamed him silently for our differences and for his future success and my future uncertainty. I blamed him for the undeniable excitement in his voice about a life that I wouldn’t fit into. And he asked me to try. And I blame him for wanting me to Fit.

I Hope to Write to Him with Honesty

Of what has run through my head lately. Of how I love every inch of his soul, from gnarled feet to hazel eyes, and have done so since we met all those months ago..In the dirty alley of all places.

And of how I’ve struggled to make sense of this nonsensed relationship. Looking back at journal entry upon entry through those many months, and how I struggled, and wished it was easier. Of how I blamed and waited and worked and whined.

The queen of double standards, I am. I blamed him for staying so far away. I ran to Hawaii. I wanted space. I came home. I struggled to trust him. I kissed a German boy at the top of a German club after too much dancing and too many vodka drinks and I don’t like vodka.

I don’t know what to do and where to go. I want more, I crave more, and I still crave him. I’m not fair. I don’t want to hurt those pretty hazel eyes..

Some people are fated in certain directions. Be it to help and to heal, to make millions, or to live in the country and eat a lot of peaches and try to find Jesus.
I continue to find that my direction is any direction… as long as the continuum of that direction continues to change. East to West, North to South, any way but backwards. How can I expect anyone to fit.

aseaofquotes:

Maurice Maeterlinck, The Treasure of the Humble

aseaofquotes:

Maurice Maeterlinck, The Treasure of the Humble

Forever one of my favorite songs

aseaofquotes:

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

aseaofquotes:

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being